Connect Using your child's "Love Language"

Good morning everyone and welcome to our next addition of 10 at 10.

My name is Leeza Browne and I am the Early childhood teacher and owner here at Platinum Education.

We believe it really does take a village to raise a child and It’s part of our role to work alongside our families for the best outcomes for their children.

Last week we talked about introducing rituals around mealtimes as a time for connection. How did you go with that excercise?

In today’s video we are going to be continuing on with last weeks theme of connections and introducing the concept of Love Languages.

Love languages is a passion project, and I talk about it often and I am so grateful to an amazing friend who introduced me to this theory about 5 years ago now, based on a book by Gary Chapman.

Not only is this topic relevant to children, it is also relevant in life.

And I am obsessed with any stretegy and system to get to know more about people and how we work.

I go on about this so much that my husband is sort of sick of hearing about it, so I am so excited that I have another audience to share it with.

I wanted to introduce this topic to you as you may find yourself becoming frustrated with your child or your partner that you are doing everything that you can to show them that you love them. Yet you sense they may not feel loved.

But without knowing ‘HOW’ they want to feel loved this makes it quite challenging.

You

So let me introduce you;

1. Words of affirmation
2. Physical Touch
3. Receiving gifts
4. Quality time
5. Acts of Service

Whilst this is primarily based on romantic partners, this is a natural desire to express and experience love in all humans.

In fact Gary Chapman has also released a love languages for kids.

Looks like at some examples;

If your child, just wants to be near you, has to have their hand on your leg or hold your hand, and just wants to hug all the time.

This may mean that your child’s dominant love language is: Physical Touch.

If your child, continually asks you to join in their play, come to different events, and watch them during sports, dance etc.

This may mean that your child’s dominant love language is: Quality Time

If your child is always wanting to help you, and do things for you, or even requests you do things for them.

This may mean that your child’s dominant love language is: Acts of Service

If your child is often making things for you, and giving you things to show their love.

This may mean that your child’s dominant love language is: receiving gifts

If you find your child continually giving you compliments, and using their words to describe what they think of you.

This may mean that your child’s dominant love language is: Words of Affirmation.

And often we show love the way we want to receive love.

Now what happens if as an adult or parent have a different love language?

That’s ok its just about being conscious of your loved ones love language and putting more effort into doing things to show it.

Typically what we do is that we show love the way we want to receive love as a default.

So you might be communicating love in a different language.

It is important, to take the time to really observe and notice, signs or cues in language and behaviour with what makes our loved ones heart smile, how do they show love?.

Think about it like a theoretical love cup, and each time our love language is sung it continues to fill up the cup.

A full love cup equals a happy and content child.

An empty love cup however, equals misbehavour, tantrums, acting out!

The only way that a child knows how to ask for what they want.

Have you ever heard the saying “a child that needs love, asks for love in the most unloving of ways?”

Even though it is subconscious, and we don’t realise we have this theoretical score card, so each time something happens we are adding and minusing these points from the score card.

What we have also started doing in our house, is have a weekly check in, so we ask “what made you feel most loved this week?” how many points would you give it? Or when I did this how many points would you give it?

This way it helps us build up a tool box and understand the rules. When we understand the rules or expectations it’s easy.

But sometimes, life gets in the way and we need a reminder that – We are on the same team!!

So let’s help each other to win!

In Summary:
1. What is your dominant love language?

2. What is your child’s dominant love language?

3. What is your partners love language?
4. How do you show love?

4. Do they match?

6. What can i change to show them I love them using their love language?

We encourage you to share this video with someone you think it might help.

If you have any suggestions on what you would like us to cover you can reach out to us by sending a private message or I’ll pop our email is in the comments below.

I Look forward to seeing you all in our next video. Until next time, my name is Leeza Browne and I am sending you your weekly reminder to make every moment!

Episode 2: 10mins @ 10am - The Ritual of Meal Times:

In a recent block episode of The Block there was a controversial decision as one of the contestants choose not to include a dining table in their living area as they felt it was "outdated" and nobody used them anymore.

We believe that meal times play an important role in building relationships, coming together as a family and to have important conversations.

I want to introduce you to creating a ritual around meal times in your home.

1. How to involve your child in meal times
2. Questions to add to your no distraction dinner time ritual
3. Developing agreements around dinner time

We encourage you to share this video with someone you think it might help, or simply to start a conversation.

Until next time, thank you all for watching and remember to keep "making every moment count!"